Heads up, poppets. Are you into bedraggled, exhausted, smelly twenty-somethings with stupid posh voices? No? Well how about bedraggled, exhausted, smelly twenty-somethings with stupid posh voices who make jerk-off gestures on PUBLIC TV?

I was in London recently to preview Ubisoft’s Red Steel 2. Despite my being very, very nice about the game – otherwise known as the “most intelligently assembled example of Wiimote combat the console has to offer” – they went and filmed me doing it. The results just hit Youtube. SEND HELP.

That’s Creative Director Jason VandenBerghe holding the microphone.

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…And that, my friends, is how you kill a possessed combine harvester with a Magilite.

The game’s out in May. Check out the VGD preview here.

1. Army of Two: The 40th Day multiplayer blowout Form into pairs and follow our lead....
2. Half-Life 2 up and running on Project Natal? Leaked footage suggests as much....

Between the upcoming Ghost Recon: Future Soldier, Bad Company 2 and the khaki-coloured cash cow that is Call of Duty, you can’t move for military shooters at present.

Sony’s far from tired of them, apparently. With the mighty MAG only weeks old, the manufacturer’s unveiled another squaddy romp – SOCOM 4: US Navy Seals. Tap that trailer above, and keep your eyes peeled for release dates.

1. First Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon: Future Soldier trailer The Ghosts are back, and they've got new threads....
2. New Heavy Rain clip mixes old and new material It's mainly on the plain....
3. First Fallout: New Vegas trailer War never changes. Nor do taglines....

I’m not the hugest fan of White Knight Chronicles, but this trailer still raised a smile.

The game cuddles up to UK PS3s at the end of the month.

1. Mass Effect 2 trailer showcases Assault class Running and gunning, mostly, plus the odd dose of biotic abracadabra....
2. New Last Guardian trailer and Ueda chat OMG, basically....
3. Final Fantasy XIII TGS trailer Nearly eight whole minutes of melodrama and damage points....

That Mr Wake’s given us quite the run-around, hasn’t he? We first heard tell of the man back at E3 2005 – a celebrity pulp author with acute insomnia, cowering in the midst of a spooky Midwestern small-town sandbox.

Half a decade later the sandbox is conspicuous by its absence, with Remedy opting for a linear episodic format redolent of Alone in the Dark, but Alan’s still got insomnia, and his game still looks rather tasty.

Check out the footage from last night’s X10 event. The game’s out for Xbox 360 on 18th May in North America and 21st May in Europe.

1. First Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon: Future Soldier trailer The Ghosts are back, and they've got new threads....
2. Mass Effect 2: Gamestop ad shows off badass gun This is my BOOMSTICK. For preorders only....
3. First Fallout: New Vegas trailer War never changes. Nor do taglines....

Apparently the soldier of the future is an “F-16 on legs”. Looks like a chap wearing the invisibility cloak from Harry Potter to us.

Game’s out in fall 2010 for both high def systems and PC.

1. SOCOM 4 debut trailer SOCOM and get it....
2. First Fallout: New Vegas trailer War never changes. Nor do taglines....
3. First in-engine Halo Reach footage "You picked a hell of a day to join up."...

Here’s the first teaser for Fallout: New Vegas, straight from Bethesda’s servers to your Pipboy 3000 (or equivalent). Not much to deduce from this, other than that fascist headgear and 50s crooning are still in vogue.

It’s out in the fall.

1. First Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon: Future Soldier trailer The Ghosts are back, and they've got new threads....
2. SOCOM 4 debut trailer SOCOM and get it....
3. Modern Warfare 2 shockers – a history in videos Our quick, clip-driven retrospective on all the big reveals and upsets....

So apparently we’re not cool enough to receive one of Bethesda’s lovely-looking Brink goodie parcels, mailed out to certain lucky journos this morning. The package includes a couple of tasty concept art posters and brand new character customisation footage in USB credit card form.

Oh well, turn the other cheek. Here’s the footage spoken of, ripped from the sycophantic frontpage of those brown-nosing bastards at VG247. Try not to trip over your popularity ratings, Pat.

Edit: check with me next time, eh Ed? They DID send us the promotional tat in question – and rather nice it was too… (-Adam)

1. New Brink gameplay footage is boss Pushes our expectations right to the... well, you can probably guess....
2. Spock lends voice to Star Trek Online Who's this Leonard Nimoy fellah then?...
3. Half-Life 2 up and running on Project Natal? Leaked footage suggests as much....

We knew Bayonetta was a fine figure of a woman, but quite how fine we had no idea. Lower the blinds, turn up your speakers and let your jaw swing merrily in the breeze.

1. BOOM – it’s the Modern Warfare 2 launch trailer Shocking twist: contents abundant in explosions, gunfire....
2. LEGO Rock Band launch trailer LEGO of my childhood, Rock Band!...
3. GTA IV vs creepy misogynistic anime Japanese adult cartoon industry gets serious ribbing....

My word, this Bad Company 2 job looks rather tasty, doesn’t it? I’ll take slow movement and turning speeds over Quake-style twitch-fragging any day.

Here’s a carefully staged gameplay excerpt from a CTF match on the Panama Canal map. Joystiq’s cynical analysis is worth reading.

1. New Brink gameplay footage is boss Pushes our expectations right to the... well, you can probably guess....
2. First in-engine Halo Reach footage "You picked a hell of a day to join up."...
3. Starcraft 2: Battle Report #4 Tenacious Terrans vs Professional Protoss....